Kindergarten Charts - essay 5
Headphones
Mr. Cranky goes off:
What do you think when you go to the post office and ring the buzzer for
help and the person who comes to the door is wearing headphones? Do you
think they are paying close attention to their job? How hard are they
concentrating? It is my belief that they are probably getting the recipe
for a new kind of poison being broadcast from a Romulan spaceship circling
overhead. Well, you say to yourself, after all, they're only sorting the
mail, what's the big deal? Well here's a question for you: Are you sorting
mail? If so, by all means, wear headphones. But if you’re serious
about your work you will leave your headphones at home.
If you find it impossible to contemplate doing this, consider getting
some counceling. You are leaning very hard on something that exists only
in your imagination. And there is much of the best of life that you are
missing. Your behavior is incredibly hostile and arrogant, and you might
as well post a sign on top of your monitor that says “I have a dead-end
job and I like it that way. Do not promote me and do not give me a raise.
I am an emotional infant.” If, after considering that, you still
won’t get rid of the damn things, then I suggest you consider finding
a job in which interaction with other human beings is kept to an absolute
minimum; you are acting as though you would prefer it, and the race would
certainly be grateful.
Unless you work alone, if you don’t have a medical condition, leave
your headphones at home.
WHY I HATE HEADPHONES
I hate headphones because they put walls between people, walls without doors or windows. They prevent their wearer from being conscious of his environment. As architects, we are expected to be especially conscious of our environment. The person wearing headphones will not be aware of what is happening in the office, and expects someone in the office to provide him with a personal update on matters he should be aware of because he was present. This is a double waste of time, two people are involved, when neither should have been. Headphones don't just promote ignorance; they indicate a desire for it. |
| I hate headphones because they are an indication of disagreement within the firm. Either about the volume, or nature, or presence of noise. And the solution that the firm has found acceptable is to accept disfunction and pretend it does not exist. Things are not healthy in the office when people are wearing headphones. Headphones are evidence of disharmony. |
| I hate headphones
because the people who wear them are using them to draw boundaries
around what they are willing to do for their teammates. They will
not answer the phone. They will not overhear someone looking for something
and remember where it is. They refuse. They have their headphones
on they are lost in the desert on a horse with no name. In the desert,
you can’t remember your name. I don’t like pulling their
weight for them, and their coworkers don’t either, named or
otherwise. When I have a job to do, the last person I want helping me is someone who can’t remember their freaking name. |
| I hate headphones because I believe that some of the people wearing headphones will quit if they are told they must take them off. This is evidence that there are problems within the office that have not been resolved. I dislike working with people with attitudes like this, they are poisonous, selfish, never proactive, and -- because they are accustomed to missing opportunities for growth and are not in the habit of paying attention, they rarely fulfill their potential. If they do quit, they are doing you a service, perhaps the best one they ever did for the team they were on. |
| I hate headphones because they indicate that some people in the office are too inconsiderate of others to avoid distracting behavior. And they indicate that there is a lack of leadership on this issue from the people who stand the most to gain by getting it under control. |
| I detest headphones because they are evidence that we are losing our ability to compromise behind a common purpose as a people, or that we have never learned it as individuals. I hate them because they deprive us of the benefits pulling together and finding an arrangement that works for everyone and transcend the problem, whatever it may be; they rob us of our shared property in this regard, they are like thieves who steal fire hydrants. Over such a trivial issue. And anyone who thinks it is not a trivial issue has a serious deficiency in the part of their education that dealt with proportion. |
All that stuff I just
described? I think that’s a pretty good definition of Romulan poison.
I don’t like headphones. Headphones are not a solution, they are
a problem. The thing they most resemble is the chains with which slaves
were strung together when they were in the human hell of the middle passage;
a despicable chapter in human history that is spoken of less often than
is healthy for the human race, and if forgotton will be repeated. A person
who wears headphones is placing themselves in bondage and deliberately
crippling themselves.
Get your head in the game if you don’t want to lose.
Headphones are an obstacle to communication and a rejection of serendipity.
Headphones
will damage team spirit. |
Headphones
will damage your ears. |
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you have headphones on because you have to wear
them to eliminate the distractions and noise of your inconsiderate co-workers.
Ask your boss to do something about it or give you a private office.
We need to communicate with each other, if nothing else. To the extent that they interfere with communication, they are obstacles to our success.
NOTE:
If you are a single mother with three children and you work with a bunch of assholes whose mindless chatter makes it impossible to get your work done, and getting a different job is not an option, I will understand if you wear headphones. Maybe an alternative is to wear them to and from work and at lunch. Otherwise, your focus is your work ... if you need music to tolerate your work, then do something else.
September 2008
Post script.
Someone might say, well listen, Matt, you have to understand something. You have to understand that we're in a great big space with a lot of people in it and this is just a side effect of that. And they might ask me, if you're so smart, what would you do to deal with that?
If they did, I would say this: I'm glad you asked. Here's what I'd do. I'd suggest that you find an architect who knows how to design a space that is suitable for the use intended and hire them to fix the problem.
| Do you
have a different opinion? |